PLAYDATE NOTES
BENNETTA BENSON
PLAYDATE PROCESS & SUGGESTIONS
I (mother) have been having playdate
sessions twice a week Tuesdays/Thursdays at our home. These are with ONE other
child (no parents) and are conducted in English. I rotate three other children,
whose parents now call me up to ask when it's their turn next!!
We also have a baby girl (17 months), who was no problem when little, then she
was a big problem as she got into fusses when she couldn't do all the stuff the
boys were doing, but now she just buzzes around or does the activities too or
does her own thing safely. It's certainly more work to have her around, but it
is actually also good to have her around. I talk a lot about how hard it is to
be little and want to do all the things the big kids do, but look at her, she's
really trying her best. I promote verbal and play interaction with her with
both kids on appropriate things and try to keep her out of the way when
necessary.
When I do this, it
also gives a good "excuse" not to assist, intervene or otherwise
participate in the boys' activities at times when I want to see what happens,
what choices they make, how their conversation is progressing, or how they can
resolve their conflicts themselves.
My husband also has a regular Playdate
Session every Saturday morning at his Elementary School Gym. He is a K-4 Phys
Ed teacher and had to go all the way to the School Superintendent to get
permission to bring kids in on the weekend. These are with ONE other child peer
and our son's baby sister, and are conducted in French. (This is precious alone
time for me to spend planning our program). It is the same child all the time,
as the rapid change and transitions with activities and materials was very
difficult for a long time. Recently my husband has been adding a third child
occasionally, but the dynamics are more difficult, as both children are older
and tend to gravitate together to things they can do better than our son.
However, our son has progressed so significantly since the first time when he
screamed and screamed because the child was taking the floor mats away to make
a house out of them - floor mats are floor mats - don't you know, how can they
possibly be anything else. He'll never be a floor hockey champion, but he's now
very comfortable with the gym and changing routines.
OBJECTIVES
Our objectives with the playdates are as follows, and really govern what we set
out to do each session:
- Facilitate social language interaction between children
- Work on play or developmental areas of weakness for our child, including flexibility and shifting/changing of activities, turn-taking, listening skills, attentiveness etc.
- Have other children demonstrate appropriate play behavior
- Have other children demonstrate appropriate toy selection
- Have other children get a little "silly" or "goofy" and just have fun and to show our child that that's ok too.
ELEMENTS OF OUR
PLAYDATE PLAN
1. Pick the other child carefully
in terms of both age and temperament.
Every child is one year older than our son. The other child has more language,
is more patient with fusses, is more predictable with a longer attention span,
and has more interest in activities such as board games. Although they are all
boys, and it would be nice to have a girl over, we presently do not have an
appropriate child available. As he gets into Nursery School next fall, we will
hopefully expand this to include a girl. Right now it's just his sister. No
other parents, no other siblings of the Playdate child. I tried another parent
over with 2 children (one for his younger sister to play with) but it didn't
work. Despite best intentions otherwise, the parent tried to offer social
conversation to me, and also spent time verbalizing or prompting good play and
verbal behavior from her child. Plus, I was planning activities for 2 sets of
kids. No way.
2. Prepare an Agenda. This was
rigidly adhered to early on, but now the "turn-taking time" agenda
item can be interjected anywhere as long as they both agree. Now the agenda
really just serves as a guideline. When things get off track when in real
free-play (which I allow to go on whenever and for as long as it is
"productive" - that also a real judgement call - early on it was
closed when the tantrum occurred), we just check the list and get on to another
activity.
Agendas are necessary because:
- They can be reviewed in advance to prepare the child for things he may not like to do and for activity changes
- They are predictable during the session "What happens next?". "Let's check the paper".
- There is an activity listed and we WILL do it. Why? -- "Because here it is -- it says this is what we do next" (no debates - it's like "the rule").
I started with a prepared written agenda for every day kids come to our house.
At first I planned all the activities and just presented the poster. Now Stefan
sits down with me and we pick things for him to play with his friend and write
them down together.
3. Preparation and review is required. I have plastic sheet protectors from the Office Supply stores. (We use
them for EVERYTHING - wall posters, hand papers to carry in the car for
talking, social stories in books or postered on the wall, etc.) From the
computer, I print three 8 1/2 x 11 agendas on colored paper (color selected by
our son), put each inside a plastic sheet protector. The morning of the
Playdate, I review with our son what the activities are. Sometimes we go
together to pick out the materials/games and put them out on the table in the
playroom.
4. I pick up the other kid every time. This is great warm-up talking time as they sit beside each other in the
car. En route to picking up the Playdate, I am in the front seat with a copy
and he is in the back with his sister, and we review the agenda again. (I
always pick up the other kid and although I really wished they did at least the
return way, often it is not possible -- the other parent works and has a
babysitter looking after other kids - but two-ways was tough in winter believe
me, packing up all the kids after a 3 hour session). On Saturday, my husband
picks up and drops off as well.
When the Playdate gets in the car, he gets a copy of the agenda and we review
all the fun things we are going to do. The other children can't really read as
well as our son (he is Hyperlexic), and I always ask him to read the
activities. We all talk about each of the things we are going to do, if they'd
done them before with other people or at home, how this may be the SAME or
DIFFERENT from what they're used to, and how much fun it's going to be.
Also in the car we sing songs, do word games, or fun stuff like take turns
making sounds (moooo, babbaaa) that the others have to guess what it it (cow,
baby, etc.).
5. Agenda Items. I now run 2 1/2
hrs - 3 hours actually IN the session (more with travel time). I started out
with 2 hours, as it was so structured, but now I need more time to allow events
to turn into real free-play situations, and still get MY agenda accomplished. This
really evolved. It's tough to define WHEN exactly, but I just kept running
later and later. At 3 hours, however, everyone's had enough and it's time to
quit.
I ALWAYS pick the LEAST favorite activity for my son first, but one in which he
needs work -- CRAFT TIME. He had a moderate tactile sensitivity for which the
stress-tantrum factor is eliminated, although he still prefers NOT to do messy
stuff like play doh, clay, fingerpaint, gluing etc. The OT we had through
social services who came to observe suggested that I start with the physical
activities (always included -usually some jumping thing) to warm up, which I
tried, but them he wouldn't do the craft stuff later so I went back to my
instinct about what to do.
I pick a range of
activities every session: areas which require strengthening, fine motor,
physical activities, early on activities used numbers and letters extensively
in them (fixation areas), just to keep interest going.
Make your child show initiative in activity selection very early on. He needs
to know that play is a reciprocal process. We felt that this was something to
be enforced early on. We created Wall Posters of Activity Lists - in the house
in English and on the gym wall in very large font in French. This enabled our
son, a highly visual learner, to go up and select something in print, when it
was "his turn" to pick the activity. (We did this for child-selection
of activities for our own time play sessions as well). This initially very
artificial "your-turn, my-turn" has now turned into a much easier
"flow" - more of offering suggestions to try something - for which
the answer can be yes or no by the other child and that's OK, just try another
suggestion.
Further to the point above, I always have a "turn-taking" time. At
first the objective for this was that the other child would ALWAYS pick
activities that our son would NEVER do -- ride a bike, play with a particular
toy or whatever. The RULE was that both kids had to do that activity for 5 min.
If the interest was there, "5-mins" was longer, if no interest
"5-mins" was shorter. Often early on, when there was resistance, or
interest waned at 30 seconds, I had to insist, "No. It's __(other
child's)___'s turn. You have to do his activity for 5 minutes then it's YOUR turn
to pick something", in order that the activity at least get a fair shot.
When it was his turn, I would really have to prompt, "What about ____, or
_____, or _____". Now the turn taking is a really fun thing, with lots of
language -- He says: "Hey _(other child) ___, let's do ___(activity)____,
want to?" and even offering other activity suggestions if the other child
says, "No, I don't want to do that one". I also did entire sessions
of "5-minute Turn-Taking". This requires LOTS of energy and no other
children around, as the pace is really fast, and I would do LOTS of talking.
But wow, what an experience your child gets with other activities selected by
other children. It ALWAYS worked out great, and sometimes lasted for 2 hours.
Always, always quit when they've appeared to have had enough.
I always have Snack Time. This is a good time for them to practice some manners as well as to practice passing food around: "Would you like some apple _(name)____", being polite "yes, please, no thank you", general conversation topics, and cleaning up after. At first I, either prompted almost all the language by asking yes/no questions and expanding, or by raising a topic the other child wanted to talk about (eg. Me: "__Our child's name)__, you could ask __(Playdate) ___: ___"Playdate___, did you go out for Halloween last night?". Now I just keep the conversation going and make sure the silly stuff doesn't get too silly and out of hand. It is so wonderful to now see the silly stuff though - just some regular goofing around with plays on words, giggling at nothing really, and some "inside humor" they think they've got on me somehow.
Sometimes I go out
to playgrounds, but not too often. Maybe once every 6 weeks. I cannot really
achieve the Playdate objectives in the playground, and we do go out enough at
different non-playdate times. Now, however, I am venturing outside to do more
"normal kid stuff". I've taken several sessions out to the Golf Dome
for miniature golf (but really try to get a time where there will be few or no
other people).
Duplicate the agenda for the next Playdate Session with a different Playdate -
Early on, I would do the exact SAME agenda with at least 1 other kid (sometimes
3 times). This really, really worked well. Our son would get
"practice" both doing the activity stuff, working through the
transitions, and talking. Also, it was really interesting that if something
"silly" happened or the previous child said something funny, silly or
" different", he would try to recreate that moment or repeat that
statement with the new child. That's when I could really tell that the
"modelling" aspect of Playdates was really working. I could SEE it
happening before my very eyes.
I occasionally take
pictures of the kids doing things and we subsequently do a computer story as an
agenda item. They help make up the story, help type out the words, select their
own color paper and print it out. Then we glue on the photo or photos and maybe
add stickers to it. I get doubles of all my photos and make sure that each get
the SAME picture.
6. Agenda Materials. We have
libraries that lend toys and software, which I use. We reorganized out Family
Room to a Playroom, so I stocked up on craft-type items. I have idea books from
a variety of sources, which I occasionally use, but they are usually just craft
ideas, not games and toys. Basically, if you select a variety of agenda items,
including board games, the kids should just play that toy or game. Our
objectives were that our child simply did not know how to play with stuff, so
the other child really had to demonstrate what to do. We didn't need a lot of
stuff each time, just a variety. We got a pile of Speech & Language
material from the local school S&L professional (a friend of a friend), and
used a lot of that too -- there's a lot of little games that require language.
7. Follow-up Review. I don't do a
review of the day. When it's over, I drive the other child home (we talk about
other things in the car), or if I'm lucky, his mom comes to pick him up. We can
just say, "that was fun", but he's usually had enough, so we go do
something else.
I have a spot on the wall where I've taped up another plastic insert and after
every playdate, we go put today's poster up. I take the last one down before
today's playdate comes over so they don't see the last playdate's fun day
agenda. Our son would often go back to the wall to look at the poster until the
next one goes up. Also, when Dad comes home from work, he can go over the
poster and ask questions about the day. Below is a list of wall posters we did
when we went around the house and wrote down all the activities our son could
select to play when it was his turn to pick. We did these is large font and put
some appropriate stickers on them as well before we put them in the plastic
inserts.
8. Samples of Wall Posters:
Board Games:
ÿ Memory Game
ÿ Sorry Game
ÿ Trouble
ÿ Diset Lotto - Match color pictures or shadows - 4 cards
ÿ Lotto Game - What is Missing - 6 Cards
ÿ Bingo Card Game - Match with RED Squares
ÿ Dominos
ÿ Tic-Tac-Toe
ÿ Snakes & Ladders
ÿ First Arithmetic Game - Match Pictures & Numbers
ÿ Teddy Bear Bingo
ÿ Les Jeux de des dino - 7 Jeux
Story Games:
ÿ Read a Book - avec Papa, with mama, or by myself
ÿ Stefan's Story Pictures - Read Stories or Pretend
ÿ First Arithmetic Game - Sentences or Stories
ÿ The 3-Picture Story Game
ÿ Raconte-Moi - 10 Histoires
ÿ Let's Write a Story on the Computer
ÿ Stories with Puppets
ÿ Felt Board Stories
Let's Play PRETEND:
ÿ The Little People Game
ÿ Doctor
ÿ Shopping
ÿ House
ÿ Having a Tea Party - Pretend Food
ÿ The Dress-up Game - hats, jewlery, masks, clothes
ÿ Stefan's Story Pictures - Read Stories and Pretend
ÿ Play Dolls
ÿ Storybook Pretend
ÿ Animal Pretend
ÿ Pretend Camping
ÿ Pretend with the Puppets
ÿ Building pretend things with blocks
- big black blocks, Duplo blocks, other kinds of blocks
Messy Stuff:
ÿ Play Doh
ÿ Painting - finger painting, brush painting
ÿ Gluing Things - paper, buttons, shapes, sparkles
ÿ Stickers - Lick & Stick, Pull-off Stickers
ÿ Bubble Fun
ÿ Magic Muffins
ÿ Messy stuff you do eat - Making cookies, cakes, orange juice, jello,
pudding, pasta shapes, melting ice cubes and other fun stuff
ÿ Pudding Crafts on Paper
ÿ Ink Stamping
ÿ The Water Game - T he Water Table & floating things, the Water &
Paint
Game
ÿ The Mud and Sand Game
ÿ Drawing & Coloring - Pencils, markers, stencils
ÿ Let's make a NEW Craft !
Card Games:
ÿ The Star Game
ÿ Fish
ÿ Old Maid
ÿ Hearts
ÿ Animal Rummy
ÿ Crazy Eights
ÿ Slap Jack
ÿ Match the Cards in all the Suits (Hearts, Diamonds, Spades, Clubs)
Word Games:
ÿ The Number Game
ÿ The "I Like" Game
ÿ "Moi, moi, je vois" - en francais
I Spy with My Little Eye" - en anglais
Throwing,
Jumping, Running and Swimming Fun:
Inside:
ÿ Jump the Number - The 2-Dice Game
ÿ Riding Toys
ÿ Roulles, roulles - on the Blue Mats
ÿ Toss Bean Bags into the Red Hoop
ÿ Throw balls - big, medium and small
ÿ The Bowling Game
ÿ The Blue Tunnel - Let's crawl through it
ÿ Cache - Cache / Hide-and-Seek
ÿ Bain tourbillon/ Hot Tub downstairs
Outside:
ÿ Papa's Gym
ÿ Margaret Grant Pool
ÿ BIG McDonald's Playland
ÿ small McDonald's Playland
ÿ Burger King Playland
Just for FUN Things to do:
ÿ Music Time - Upstairs or Downstairs
ÿ Computer Time
ÿ Slinky Down the Stairs
ÿ Red Light - Green Light Game
Finger Games:
ÿ Fridge Magnet Shapes
ÿ Diamant Easy Hammer Shapes Game
ÿ Shapes Puzzle Card Games
- Pick different ones to play
- match the shapes to the pictures
ÿ Puzzles - All kinds - just put the pieces together
ÿ Little Amy's Magnet Fishing Game
ÿ Clothes Pin Games
Other Trips
Where can we go OUT to have more fun?
ÿ The Book Library
ÿ The Toy Lending Library
ÿ (Names of relatives and friends)